There were lots of sluts out there, hundreds of thousands of them. I had to land sometime and it was here that I was going to land. I’d jumped out of the roller coaster at the top of the crest, just before it took the plunge and I was falling. Whatever I needed to find, I had to find it. Whatever I was supposed to be doing, I had to do it. I had a nest egg but I also had a mortgage. The very thought was so humiliating, I felt my skin burning and I had that very thought nearly constantly since I slid out of his bed, dressed and, mortified, slithered out of his room.īut I had been out of work for two months. I’d screwed everything up, literally, and I hadn’t even started the job yet. I’d spent all day the day before trying to figure out if I should show for my new job or not. Now I was here and here was where I decided I needed to be. I had no idea what I was doing, why I was doing it, where I was going and what would happen once I got there. If I was qualified for the job my finger touched, I applied for it. On each page of the want ads, I closed my eyes and pointed. I just went.įor the next two months I bought the paper every Wednesday and opened it to the want ads section. I just straightened from my desk chair at work, grabbed my personal belongings, shoved them in a box and walked out. When I’d had the epiphany and realized where I was, how dangerous it was, how unhealthy it was, I had no idea where I’d land when I jumped off the ride that was my life.
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